| EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|02:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | It's My Life of course! | ] |
Omg, I am so excited. I can't breathe. I was just checking out for my English exam today and I thought I would have a B or less. And all of a sudden I open the window and a big bright A stares at me!!!!!!!!!! I stare back at it and wonder if my mind is playing tricks on me, but I look at the name and it's my name!!!! And next thing I know I'm squealing and jumping from room to room /thank God I was at home/. And this hapenned about an hour or so! Oh, have to take a breath... That's better. And now I am probably accepted. Well, there is another exam in July but I don't care! I have an A! I do know that language after all!!!!!!!!!! And when something like this happens I want to share, to shout it or to post here... lol. Okay, end of ramble, off to celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):):):):) |
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| ANNOUNCEMENT! |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|12:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield, my happy mood song | ] |
Before you start reading the posts below, I’d like to recommend to all fans of HP fan fiction a new forum that will help you improve your writing and meet new people. SAYS is just a one-month-old toddler but there are already 42 members. They are often seen in the HPFF archive and on the forums. Jessi_Rose will be your hostess!
All members are passionate about their writing thus the name of the forum – Serious about Your Skills. There you can get feedback, participate in competitions, talk with the authors, discuss writing techniques, chat and more. It is definitely a must-visit! So, follow the link below to get there and register! Have fun!
Wow, I should write commercials… lol!
Link: http://z4.invisionfree.com/SAYS/index.php?act=idx
Happy Browsing and keep your Warn Level low! :P |
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| Looking for a Sleepless Draught! |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|10:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 'When September Ends' | ] |
Okay, I just had the wackiest dream EVER! I was visiting Durmstrang, where there were a lot of beautiful girls, and it was located in my country Bulgaria. Then, when I went to see the second floor, the stairs started moving and all of a sudden I started to hear the school's history! Not to mention that Lockhart was the headmaster!
Which reminds me to ask whomever crazy person's reading this. Have you ever written a story based on your dream? Well, this is too crazy for me to write it, but it's up for grabs! :P
Anyway, I guess I didn't sleep well because of the dream, so I am retiring.
Be back soon! :)
Loving everyone, Lyn!!! |
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| Well, if you like HP fanfiction... |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|06:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | EEK! Happy music:) | ] |
Hello hello! I am a member on HPFF, and all of my stories are posted there. Here is the basic information. I'll be grateful for any of your comments, if you choose to check my author's page out! Glad to join the bloggers and people on livejournal all in one day!
My penname on HPFF is Lyn Midnight and the following stories are my best so far /I apologize for the different ratings, but on HPFF they are such/:
Title: The Ghost of a Past Mistake
Link: http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=190015
Rating: 15+
Summary: On the night when Severus Snape became a Death Eater, he was broken into pieces by his master. That lesson never escaped his memory, as he considered it the most horrifying nightmare he had ever witnessed. He became a marked man... her image burnt an eternal print in his memory, like the Dark Mark burnt his flesh. It was the first time that Severus Snape regretted his decision.
Category: one-shot
Genre: Angst, Horror/Dark, Drama
Author's notes: The quote in the beginning and end does not belong to me /it's in italics/. Wordcount: 2844, I hope it's okay.
Title: Sealed Lips
Link: http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=186802
Rating: 15+
Summary: Some secrets must remain hidden for the good of the ones that we love. No matter how strong we crave to satisfy our desire, there are truths that bring more pain than lies do. Even love can make no difference for the ones whose hearts are never meant to bond.
Category: One-shot
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Author's notes: This fic is Sirius/Lily. Wordcount: 1574.
Title: Yielding to Temptation
Link: http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=186006
Rating: Mature
Summary: How long exactly can a man resist the woman of his dreams? How does the woman feel when she’s neglected? Will they both find a common language, or decide to stay apart? Find the answers...
Category: One-shot
Genre: Romance, Angst, Young Adult
Author's notes: It's a Remus/Tonks fic. Wordcount: 2533.
If anyone is interested in my works and would like to read more, here's the link to my author's page: http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewuser.php?showuid=62327 /highest rating Mature/. |
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| Another HP addict on the loose! |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|03:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | HPFF | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Die, Peter, die! | ] |
Wanted: Lyn Midnight, a dangerous Harry Potter fan. Wanted for attempted robbery at HPFF, caught snitching canon characters with no intention to return them to their rightful owners. Everybody who sees her is obliged to call 055-misunderstood-convicts hotline. We hope that we will get the Wizarding world rid of that pest at once. A reward will be granted to the person who captures the thief!
Mwhahaha! Nobody can stop me! This journal is my lair. You enter at your own responsibility!
So I was just thinking... what the h*** are people posting here?! Duh, the obvious answer would be odd stuff! Like what they had for breakfast, lunch... brunch... lol. Then they go and tell people what music they are listening to right now, share their thoughts, interests. Well, my main interest is Harry Potter!!! And since I am a passionate fan fiction writer, I decided to put my weirdest stuff here, because I never intended to post them on HPFF! Except for the one that's about Sirius.
Now, that's a great topic to talk about! Sirius! I love him! He's my inspiration! Here's what I love about him:
1) He's such a tragic character, plus he's a bad boy *wink*
2) He's HOT! Yeah, besides who wouldn't like a Black?!?
3) He's so complex. He actually defied his family for his friends!
4) And he is loyal *sigh*
5) I love doggies! Especially black ones...
6) He's suffered a lot *huggles imaginary Sirius*
Then, there's Remus. Omg, I love him, too!
1) Who hadn't had a crush on a teacher?!
2) He's a werewolf. Can you say dangerous...
3) He's so sweet, I can just eat him up.
4) That David guy is not so bad, but I don't like the guy who's going to be the young Remus in the OotP movie :(
5) He's thoughtful and smart.
6) He can make me swoon!!!
That's about it. I would make a list for James, too, but he's for LILY!!! Oh, so excited that I can actually write whatever is on my mind... which is a LOT! |
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| Failed attempt at Marauder fic! |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|03:18 pm] |
“Hurry up! It’s about to depart!” the hysterical scream could be heard miles from the platform.
A slim and extremely disheveled boy made for the departing red train with all the speed he could. He carried a huge trunk, and a cage, in which a beautiful black owl shifted nervously. The luggage was not really making things better. He made a quick jump, and in the last minute, landed on the train.
The students who we still in the corridors gave him a curious look before going back to their own compartments.
The boy looked around briefly, and sighed. He knew that the chances of finding an empty compartment now were very slim. He headed to the left corridor, and started looking for a place to at least leave his trunk in. He was not so eager to spend his time with the ‘friends’ that his mother had previously met him with.
She had said that they would be a great team, because like every other Black, Sirius was expected to be a Slytherin. His mother had said to him that she would be extremely proud with him when it happened.
Grated, the supposed friends of his would make him company for the rest of his stay at Hogwarts. Whoever heard of a Black in other house than Slytherin?
Truth be told, Sirius did not like those blokes at all, given the fact that they were even more stuck-up than his parents, and most importantly, they were major bores! He couldn’t have a normal conversation with any of them. They would just look at him incredulously after they heard one of his ideas, and then pretend to not have heard anything.
So what if he wanted to become an Auror when he grew up? And he would become one if he wanted to. It was not like anyone could tell him what to do.
With this last thought in mind, he finally spotted an almost empty compartment. Seemingly, only one other boy occupied it, so he entered, hoping it was not a senior, so that he would not feel inferior. Well, he was a Black, and he did not like feeling that way.
Upon his entering, the boy with short black hair, and a chocolate frog in his mouth turned his head to the newcomer. Sirius grinned, there were some more frogs left, and he did like sharing.
So, he neared the other boy and noticed that he did not have a crest on his robes. It made him wonder why he did not change in his earlier.
The boy eyed him curiously before devouring the last piece of chocolate, and spoke, “Hello, are you a first year, too?”
“Yeah, I am. Is it okay if I sit here?” Sirius responded almost too quickly.
“Sure, I am…”
Then another boy entered the compartment in a hurry. He seemed as if he had been running. He was shorter than them, and had a strange round nose.
“S-sorry,” he gushed, “I got lost.”
“In a train? That must be a first,” Sirius mocked the lame excuse of the fat kid.
The other boy, who had been quiet until now, glared at him, and turned to the blushing boy at the door.
“Don’t worry, you can stay here. What’s your name?” he made an attempt to start a conversation.
“Peter… Peter Pettigrew,” the stout boy mumbled, as if he was sorry to have come here. Sirius threw him a doubtful look, and opened his mouth to say something, but the boy standing next to him cut him off.
“I am James. James Potter that is. At your service,” James said trying to calm the boy down.
Potter? Sirius thought he had heard this name before.
“So, what’s your name?” James asked in a less polite way.
Sirius rolled his eyes. He thought he had found himself some goody-too-shoes Hufflepuffs, or even Mugglelovers. His dad had taught him that they were softer when it came to politeness.
“I’m Sirius Black,” Sirius answered proudly, for everybody knew that his family line was a most respectful one. However, he did not get the expected reaction.
James stared at him in utter disbelief before composing himself. Then he turned towards the window and then back to Sirius. While peter was just watching with wide eyes.
“You are a Black? What are you doing here then? Why aren’t you with your Slytherin friends? I must have known. Only a Slytherin would be that ill-mannered upon meeting a future classmate,” James said, and then left the compartment.
Peter, still afraid of Sirius, followed suit as quietly as possible.
Sirius was left to contemplate on James’s words. He could not imagine the reason for this foolish speech. He was a Black, and everyone else was below his level of attention. He shrugged and sat down, smirking at the pile of chocolate frogs left behind.
During the next half-hour he observed the changing landscape out of the window, frowning at the trees. But not the trees were at fault, rather the boy’s words. He was not ill mannered, just better than everybody else was. And now, he was simply bored. No worse combination than bored and moody.
Soon, he was distracted from his reverie by a slim figure making for the compartment. The shadow reached out for the door, and slid it, so that Sirius could see his face. The boy standing before him was very pale and looked tired, but smiled nonetheless.
“I am sorry for intruding. Can I sit here? I had a little disagreement with the trolley lady,” he spoke slowly and clearly.
Sirius raised his eyebrows. Intruding? What first year in their right mind spoke like that?
“No problem. I had a disagreement with some first years earlier, so there is plenty of room,” he did not consider this boy a threat. He seemed mild and harmless. Besides, he could be more fun to have than sitting alone in this stupid compartment.
“I am Remus Lupin,” the boy said, stretching his hand to Sirius.
For a moment, he hesitated. He did not want another scene, but decided that he had to say his name now that the other boy did.
“Sirius Black.”
Nothing followed. Remus just smiled slightly and sat on the spot opposite Sirius, who followed suit. There was an awkward silence afterwards, before Sirius got fed up with it.
“So, do you know how they sort students here?” Sirius grinned at the idea born in his head.
“No, actually, me and my family just moved here.”
“Well, they actually cut your skull, examine your brain, and put it back in your head, before screaming out the house you will fit most in. There are four houses. The Imperius, Crucius, Demise, and… um, the Forbidden house.”
At this point, Remus was just staring horror-stricken by Sirius’s words.
“I am sure you can imagine what they do to you in the first three, but the most interesting one is the fourth. It is underwater. The beds are made of stone, and the teachers are prison warders…”
Sirius’s story was interrupted by a sudden laughter coming from the corridor. A red-haired girl was trying to compose herself, and when she did, she turned to Remus.
“Don’t listen to him. He’s making it up. Honestly, it is a perfectly normal school with harmless lessons, and non-scary teachers, not some prison for kids,” saying this she gave a last muffled giggle, and without saying another word, left the two boys staring.
After a few silent moments, Sirius regretted saying those things. He thought that if he continued to scare people away or make them angry like he did with James, he would have to stick with his boring so-called friends of his. And the truth was, Remus did not seem that bad.
“Sorry about what I said earlier. I was just joking,” he muttered apologetically, which was not so typical of Sirius Black.
Remus looked at him in a funny way.
“No problem. I guess I was an easy target,” he laughed.
Then Sirius just smiled in his carelessly typical kind of way and looked out of the window again. The trees seemed greener now. He was no longer angry with them. |
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| Misfortune or Destiny |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|03:17 pm] |
There are people that have incredible bonds. Bonds so strong that they keep driving them near to the other. For some they are like spider webs, not letting go of their victim, while other cherish them as a treasure brought from heaven. They’re all like invisible threads, pulling people together, a constant reminder of that unbreakable bond.
Some bonds we have from birth. Others we create later in life. While blood can relate people, the bonds of the heart and the mind can be even more powerful, as they control both souls. However, there are rare cases, in which the bond is created against our will. If we have not asked to have such vital connection to another living being, we call it misfortune. In Harry Potter’s case, it’s destiny.
***
There was a box, in the very far corner of the shop, where lay a powerful tool, pulsating with such frequency that the shopkeeper himself wondered whether it would explode. Every once in a while Ollivander would open the box and appreciate the beautiful dark wooden wand. When the old man had made it himself, he had feared that the tender wood would not be strong enough to resist the phoenix’s force. He could still remember the feeling of holding the golden feather in his shaky hands. It looked so fragile and yet it made the most stubborn wand he had ever created. Whenever he took it out of the box, he did so carefully so as not to release its magical fury against the stacks of boxes on the walls.
There were so many wands there but still this one felt like a living being, waiting for its owner to find it. But the wizard could never choose the wand, Ollivander knew. The fine material had its own way of deciding who would be worthy of their possession. Few wizards and witches took hold of this particular wand, but none could tame it. The only result was great damage of the store, along with other magical wands. So the old shopkeeper decided to never offer it again, as obviously had been made wrongly. And there it stood, in that dusty old box, in the far corner of the shop, waiting for its owner to arrive.
It so happened that he appeared on one August 31, when eleven-year-old magical children were getting ready for the new school year. A short skinny boy with jet-black hair and round glasses entered the shop, doubtful about his surroundings. Ollivander had somehow sensed the arrival of the boy, and knew that he was indeed Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived.
“Ah, Mr. Potter. I’ve been expecting you,” Ollivander said with a little smile.
Before Harry could ask how did the old man know his name, Ollivander had already gone out of sight in the back room of the store. Seconds later, he appeared with a pile of long boxes, each a different size. The boy looked visibly shaken, so Ollivander assumed he had never hold a wand before. After a few miserable attempts and a lot of broken glass and wood, the old shopkeeper remembered about the one wand that he had never found a use for.
But it was not just an ordinary wand. It was a wand he had created a long time ago, along with another one. Both were with a core of a phoenix’s feather, Fawkes’s, making them what Ollivander called twin-wands. After he made sure that the wand fitted little Harry, he thought about what effect the wand would have on the boy, knowing who possessed the other wand.
It was an ancient spell, one that connected two pieces of the same origin. The two wands could not fight against each other, as their bonds could not be broken. What an irony, the old wizard thought. Two archenemies with the same weapon. It meant a lot more than he was ready to reveal. It meant the two were destined to face each other. But as neither would ever win, they were bound to fight a fruitless battle. Dumbledore himself had voiced the consequence of the connection between Harry and Voldemort. And yet, this young boy did not know anything about his fate. His eyes shone with the innocence of a child that had yet much to learn about reality.
***
“You mean to tell us that you can feel when You-Know-Who is angry?” Ron asked incredulously, looking at his best friend, who simply nodded his response. “Wicked.”
That same night Harry tossed and turned in his bed in the Black Manor. He had overheard Dumbledore talking about his dreams and if anything, he least expected to hear about his bond with the killer of his parents. At first he thought this was some sick way of fate to mock him, but alas, he felt the answer rising in him. He knew that it was true. He knew that he could get into Voldemort’s head and it scared him. Not because he was afraid of his opponent, but rather he dreaded the look on his friends’ faces when they learned about that fact.
He could not take another lonely year, with no friends at all, constantly having nightmares, fearing that the next time it would be late for him to interfere. He had almost lost Mr. Weasley, whom he loved as a father. Apart from the glimpses he had into Voldemort’s head, Harry still had nightmares of the night when Sedric had died. He kept telling himself that it was not his fault, but he knew the truth. If it weren’t for his chivalry, Sedric would still be alive.
That day, on the graveyard, he faced his greatest enemy, who fully regained his powers. He was surrounded by his followers, and used him to have his body back. The moment Harry faced what he thought would be death, he saw his parents again, but in the most terrifying way, before him stood their ghosts, helping him escape. But his wand would not let him. The ray of light between the two wands looked unbreakable, just like a power source sucking the air around them, driving them close to each other, while floating in mid-air.
Never before had Harry felt such power in his hands. The power that the Dark Lord possessed, the same that had been given to him when he was one year old. The power to create or to destroy. It would fill Harry’s mind at night, and he would wake up soaked in sweat, struggling for air. It was either that or seeing Voldemort’s servants, bringing him good or bad news. Then he would laugh or scream with frustration and for one short moment, they would be as one, forever connected. Harry did not desire to see the things he witnessed, but he felt he had no choice, as the bond was too strong to resist.
***
The most vivid memory remained the image of his godfather falling through the veil in the Department of Mysteries. It was the moment that he cursed his life and his fate. Harry swore that Voldemort would pay for the death and suffering of the innocent in the war. And most of all, he would pay for the deaths of the ones Harry loved and lost.
The phoenix’s song filled his head once again, the wand trembled in his hand, and the tears fell freely down his face. His eyes were dead and hollow, filled with the agony of his existence. For the first time, Harry Potter gave up on happiness. There was only room for spite in his heart. Hatred towards the monster that took everything he loved and kept close.
Now, neither a prophecy, nor a single living soul could stand in his way of revenge. He would break the bond once and for all. There wasn’t enough room for the two of them in the Wizarding World. And if he, Harry Potter, would have to die, he would take Voldemort with him. For the bond could not be broken, the spell could not be reversed. Even by the most powerful Dark Wizard and the Boy Who Lived. |
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| My Little Black Bug, the oddest of all! |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|03:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bulgaria | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Still Hilary Duff | ] |
A little bug is slowly making its way through the humid grass. It is crawling almost fervently, searching for something to head to. Always finding a path through leaves and rocks, disregarding every obstacle on its way.
I often wonder what the life of an insect really is. This bug is clearly not afraid of its fortune. It occasionally turns its head in different directions or heads back to where it was before. But the desire to continue on its never-ending path is strong enough to keep it moving.
So, it goes to the left, and then to the right, leaving some ants behind. It is not interested in other living beings. It only follows its own instincts, and does what its little heart tells it to do.
Nevertheless a creature so little can live a life so exciting and big. After all, what would the world be like if there weren’t any little bugs to fly around? This bug is a part of a Universal family, and does its little bug-like business day and night, never ceasing its quest.
But what is it searching for? Shelter? Food? Or simply some company? And how does it manage to find a way out of every situation, with no effort whatsoever? While people fight, cry and suffer, this tiny bug lives its life undisturbed. By war, by hunger, and by hate.
And still, it fights to survive in the constantly changing world surrounding it. Even if there is a hole, or a pond before the bug, it does not hesitate and finds a way around it. That’s what a real warrior would do when faced with danger. That’s what Nature has taught the little bug. To never give up.
So when did people forget that lesson? The little insect seems to be really good at staying alive despite the threat of being squished at any time. That’s right. People squish insects and they do not feel any regret afterwards. Then why should the bug be scared?
This bug actually reminds me of myself. When it sees another bug, it turns around and gets far away from the intruder. It avoids meeting others of its own kind. It is independent and it never gets distracted from its path. I myself do not see the sense in mingling with people.
I am quite different from everybody else, which turns me into a ‘freak’. Everybody knows how people put labels on other people, so that they would easily recognize one another. And bugs do not care about other bugs. Their only purpose on this planet is to find their way.
People, on the other hand, do not find their own way in a lifetime of mistakes and regrets.
As I brood on this very delicate subject, I spot another black bug, heading this way. It is bigger and it is desperately trying to pass through me. Seeing that this is impossible, it turns around, and looks up. It stops for a second and just when I think that it will stay like this forever, it flies away.
And then I get it. My courage has flown away. My little buddy has left me deal with my problems alone, as usual.
Just as I am about to head back to the castle, the smaller insect crawls over my right foot, and reaches my hand. It freezes for a few moments, and I feel like my courage is brought back to me.
Then it flies away, too, and for the longest time I cannot find the strength to take my eyes off the clear blue sky, where my two little black bugs had flown to.
They found their way, after all. It is not here on the earth, but in the sky.
“Luna, get back inside, its freezing out here,” I hear Ginny’s voice.
I sigh, gather my things in my bag, and go back to the castle, where the only bugs I meet are those in my dreams. Truth be told, I like bugs better than people. Bugs never lie or hurt! One more look up at the sky returns the smile on my face.
Will I ever learn to fly? |
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| A story about Sirius, not yet validated on HPFF! |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|02:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fly, Hilary Duff | ] |
Title: Perfect Reflection
Penname: Lyn Midnight
Text: I saw it. I saw it all at the moment I went through that veil. The feeling was the same as they said it would be. The life flashing before your eyes, the adrenaline running through your body, the confusion spinning your head in a whirlpool of incoherent memories. Everything one expected to see and nothing one could have possibly imagined during their lifetime.
I did not reminisce all those times when I laughed with my friends, or the moments that I spent fighting by their side, not even the hours of mourning over their deaths. All those years in Azkaban prison didn’t even cross my mind. My instant journey in my past began and ended with my reflection.
But not the reflection I was used to seeing every day, whether in my earlier or in my later years. No, this reflection was the kind of reflection I would have never seen if I had looked in any other mirror. But this mirror had always shown me the truth, and during my three encounters with it, I had seen all I ever wanted.
***
Usually a fourth year was supposed to be out in the sunshine at such a beautiful day. Everyone else seemed to be of that opinion anyway. But Sirius had the feeling that there was something waiting for him in the castle. This luring sensation was pulling him towards the third floor, where he was rarely seen, apart from the times he had to serve detention with McGonagall.
He felt relieved that nobody could see him sneaking on the third floor, although the paintings kept an eye on him, even though they never uttered a sound. Sirius was rarely seen alone, but now he felt oddly distanced from his mates, as a weird image filled his head. The image of the previous night’s dream that made him come here searching for the enchanted object that impressed him so.
He was not entirely sure where to look, but decided that his feet would show the way. After reaching the end of the corridor, he took a right turn. Soon he found out that it was a dead end. But he did not turn around to leave, as an invisible hand pointed at the dark corner before him. This did not startle him, so he took a step closer to see a black wooden door, slightly ajar, lulled by the draft in the castle.
His curiosity drew him closer until he was standing in the small room behind that door. It was stuffed with all kinds of mirrors. In various shapes, sizes, and colors. The most noticeable mirror, however, was the one put in the middle of the room. It looked perfectly normal, but its aura was strangely vibrant. There were those little white, almost transparent spheres, hovering over it like lost flies.
Sirius thought the mirror looked familiar, so he attempted to move closer. The minute he stepped in front of it, the little spheres started spinning round his head like crazy, and in a few moments, they were gone. The room was darker then, but the mirror’s surface glowed and gave off warmth, like a living being.
Suddenly, his image changed. At first, he thought his mind was playing tricks on him, but his reflection was not the same any more. He was not alone. Looking at the mirror in disbelief, Sirius saw himself in the middle of two adults. Though the reflection made little sense to him then, he felt the warmth coming out of the mirror envelop him.
What he saw in the mirror was himself and Mr. and Mrs. Potter. They were hugging him, laughing at his jokes, talking to him. It was as if he was their child. Their son. And he saw himself happy in this idyllic picture. He was cared after, he was loved. He had a family.
He stood in front of that mirror all day long, until he remembered to get back in the dorms and bring his friends back. He wanted to know whether what he saw was real. It would usually not make much sense to him to see himself surrounded by James’s parents, but right then and there, it made much sense, and it meant the world to him. To feel a part of something. To belong somewhere. To have a home.
The next day, he dragged James, Remus and Peter to the third floor, as he wanted to share his happiness with someone. But as soon as he reached the corridor on his right, he saw that the door was gone. His heart skipped a beat. His perfect dream was dead. His friends did not believe a word he said, but he came to that corridor every day for the rest of the school year.
The room never appeared again, but the memory remained.
***
It was Sirius’s last year at Hogwarts, and he felt somehow nostalgic about leaving the place he had called home for the past seven years. Soon he was about to enter the real world, starting to take responsibilities and even get a job. He would no longer rely on James’s parents’ help. He would be alone once more.
But he believed it was a chance for him to find his own place in the world. Like his friends would. The year that passed was the year of change for the Marauders. James had finally won Lily’s heart, Remus had finally opened up to the future, and Peter seemed to be more confident about his surroundings.
Everything went as planned. They were supposed to mature and they did. They were all ready to face what would come. Except for Sirius. He kept feeling that he stayed the same as always. Never thinking about the future, making jokes about everything, and refusing to have a serious relationship with a girl. He looked at his dull reflection every day. He racked his brain to find something different in the way he looked, he acted, he thought. But to no avail. He was the same old Sirius Black.
Sirius was still unsure of the reason for his emotional stagnation. The lack of progress scared him more than anything else that he would soon face without the protection of this castle. How was he supposed to start his life anew if he could not move on? He even caught himself wishing to turn back time, and remain this vivacious teenager that played pranks on the Slytherins forever.
Since his best mate had won Lily’s trust, things were no longer the same as before. James grew up. Sirius missed his carefree nature most of the time, but had to resign to the inevitable effect of the time that had passed. His other friends were changing before his eyes as well, so his only option was to pretend that he had moved on, too. That he had understood that he could not be forever a child. That he had turned into an adult.
Yet he never felt that way. He rather considered himself a hypocrite, lying to his friends, hiding behind a mask that did not belong to him. Such were his days that year, especially at the end, when everything from the past seemed to fly away like it never happened, making room for the future. His memories did not console him as before, but he continued his act. He hoped desperately that things would change as soon as he found himself another home. But what home could he find when the war was knocking on their doors? He had his friends to protect. And he was willing to do so at any cost. So he once again stuck to the present, not even thinking about the future.
The night before his graduation, he could not sleep. Instead of restlessly shifting in his bed, he decided to take one last walk in the castle. He crept out of the dorm room careful not to wake the other three up, gave the password to the Fat Lady, and stopped abruptly before the stairs. For the first time, he was not sure where he wanted to go. There were so many places he would miss, but he couldn’t go everywhere just for one night.
Soon, the answer came by itself. How could he forget? He hurried towards the statue of the witch, where he had stood so many times, pacing impatiently, waiting for a certain room to reveal itself. The Room of Requirement. The place where he, together with the other Marauders, had schemed all kinds of stunts, where they had talked about what they wanted to become, whom they wanted to be with. So many dreams, so many memories.
They all flooded Sirius’s head, which threatened to explode. But he managed to concentrate on visualizing the familiar door. He had trouble figuring out what he wanted to find in there, as he could not make up his mind what he wanted in general. That night he was a mess.
After a few moments of just staring at the blank wall, he was surprised to witness the appearance of the tall wooden door in front of him. He hesitated, but soon decided that he had subconsciously summoned the room, so he entered nevertheless.
As soon as he stepped inside, he gasped. He was in the very same room that he had visited three years ago. The same mirrors hung on the walls, various in sizes, colors, and shapes. And there it was. The full-sized mirror regally placed in the middle of the small dark room. Its aura was faded, and there were fewer spheres flying around its surface. But the feeling in Sirius’s gut was the same as before. The mirror was drawing him again, so he slowly, with his mouth slightly opened, neared its glassy surface.
At first, he thought it was a different mirror. He took his time to look its frame over. It had some kind of indecipherable inscription. On the top, it said Mirror of Erised. It still did not make any sense to Sirius, but he turned his attention back to his reflection. As expected, it started to change, and gradually showed him and… three other people.
Sirius blinked. This couldn’t be right. He was staring at himself, smiling, hugging a woman, who was also wearing a big grin on her face. Somehow, Sirius could not recognize her features, but he felt deep affection towards her. Next to the happy couple played two little children, both at about 7 years old. A boy and a girl. They both had raven black hair, and were chasing each other, laughing heartily at the other.
Sirius found himself mesmerized by this new image. Once again, he could not tear his eyes off the mirror, so he stayed before it for the rest of the night. Sirius’s reflection seemed so content. He had someone to care for, to love. He had a family, a home. He was not alone. He wondered whether it was the future he was looking at. Last time it had come true. James’s parents had taken him in their home. Maybe it was his future wife and his children he saw in the mirror.
Hours later, back in his dormitory, Sirius chatted joyfully with James about what waited for them to explore outside of the school’s walls. When they were out of the castle, Sirius took one last look at it, as if he wanted to remember the exact way that it looked on the day of his graduation. He was leaving his home. But he had his family with him. James, Remus and Peter swore to see him every now and then, whenever they needed to.
Sirius never said goodbye to the past, though. He was not ready to let go yet. So, sighing heavily, he turned his back on Hogwarts and looked towards his future.
***
“Moony, where is that album you found in the garbage the other day?” Sirius asked his friend, while rummaging through various cupboards in the Black Manor.
“I left it in the attic, I believe. Did you check there?” Remus’s voice sounded from the kitchen, as it had recently become his dwelling place.
No, but meanwhile I managed to turn the house upside down, looking for it, Sirius thought, irritated at his stubbornness to ask sooner.
He had looked for this album the whole day. He just needed something that would distract him from the fact that he was pathetically imprisoned in his own dreaded old home. Obviously, no one trusted him enough with helping around the house, let alone allowing him to transform and get some fresh air outside.
He could not fight those dreadful Death Eaters, he could not see his godson, and all of this drove him crazy. Not to mention the fact that every time someone entered the Mansion, Mrs. Black’s portrait started shrieking, and somehow Sirius got responsible for shutting her up. Not that any other would have the courage to approach the old hag, anyway.
But Sirius did not wish to spend another day in self-pity. Truth be told, he preferred the company of his memories rather than the people, who pitied him even more than he did himself. At least the things he broke that day, in search of the aforementioned album, had given him a little satisfaction.
When he reached the attic, he felt a cool chill brushing his rough skin. He found that the window was open, so before he started rummaging again, he decided to close it first. After doing that, he started scrutinizing the attic. It was full of junk. Some big, some small. He shook his head. Why was the Black Manor always full of trash? The more he tried to dispose of it, the more it became.
He then started shuffling through the piles of books, papers, and boxes on the floor. A few minutes later, he was really annoyed with the mess. He wished he had a wand to make it all vanish. But then the album would disappear as well. So he started moving towards the other end of the room. When he reached the corner, something quite large drew his attention. It was covered with a huge blanket and it looked as if it had been staying there for ages.
Sirius didn’t really care what was hidden under it, but seeing that he would probably not find the album, and to fight his boredom, he went in front of the object, curiosity hinted in his gray eyes. It took him a second to take the blanket off, and more than that to recover after the shock it brought. He was standing in front of that same mirror that he had stood before many years ago at Hogwarts. He had long forgotten its existence, and now he was trying to compose himself, as he felt he was the same boy from that night again.
He waited for the surface to start moving, and not much later he was looking at a completely different reflection. This time, he was smiling at himself, Lily and James by his two sides, grinning at him as well. After the initial shock, Sirius closed his eyes. But when he opened them they were still there. His friends, his family. Now there was no doubt that the mirror did not show the future. His friends were dead. And so was he. He could not live without his family, and his only family were his friends. No false hopes, just the plain truth.
Sirius took another look at this perfect reflection, and covered the mirror once more. It could not bring them back. It did not show the future. It only showed what he wanted, what he needed to see. There was no point in wasting himself before an illusion. He might have been a broken man, but he knew that he had to stick to reality… for Harry.
He never returned to the attic, and never again looked in the mirror, because he knew what he would see in it. Sometimes he would dream of it, but never went back to seek it. It had always disappeared before. Why would it be still under that roof? Sirius thought that the mirror could not dwell in a place with no dreams whatsoever. A place devoid of joy and hope, of faith and love. Such was the Black Manor. Always had been and always would be.
***
Yes, that was my desire. To have a family of my own. From the beginning to the very end. As soon as my body went through the veil, I remembered about the one thing I used to crave for. And now I knew that I had it. My family were my friends. My home was where they were. Many people had died without loving, and I died filled with so much love.
I was happy. I could see James and Lily smiling at me, calling me to join them. This was my home now. Where time and space did not exist. Where there were no worries or regret. And I would always watch over Harry, Remus, Tonks and everybody else, because I was not alone any more. At last I had my perfect reflection. |
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